


Back 2 U

by lilcrabcrab



Category: NCT (Band)
Genre: Alternate Universe - Ordinary People, Emotional Roller Coaster, Homophobia, I'm Sorry, Light Angst, M/M, One Shot, Religion
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-11-08
Updated: 2018-11-08
Packaged: 2019-08-20 14:41:36
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,291
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/16557686
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/lilcrabcrab/pseuds/lilcrabcrab
Summary: Mark is just a Good Church Boy, who meets a cute guy and forgets, for a second too long, exactly what he's not supposed to do.You could say it all went downhill from there.





	Back 2 U

**Author's Note:**

> This was originally posted on Amino (for those who have it) for an NCTA Writing Club - go read it there and check out the club if you have Amino: https://aminoapps.com/c/nctamino/page/blog/back-2-u-a-markhyuck-one-shot/PJ4v_5X6imuNgQl35XnkLWR0j1Z51J3G4Pb
> 
> Otherwise, enjoy this mess :)

He was a mistake - Mark knew that he was a mistake the second he had laid eyes on the boy, and the mistake was evident in the fact that he was a ‘he’ and not a ‘she’.

So what, he had thought at the time, doesn’t everyone make mistakes? Doesn’t every teenager meet a person that embodies never should have been for them, and try in vain to turn it into a meant to be? What’s the worst that could happen?

Excuses. That’s all Mark ever came up with, excuses. He knew - that’s what all the church elders told him.

But the recklessness of youth is stronger than even the sharpest of priest eyes. So with the warnings of his father stowed far away in the back of his mind and the Bible’s condemnation left sitting out of sight, he approached the boy with a charming smile and a racing heart.

“Hey, I’m Mark, and I think you’re really, really cute”

The smile that came in return was bright enough to make Mark forget how wrong this should have been.

“You’re not so bad yourself,” he said. “I’m Donghyuck.“ 

Mark held out a hand. “Wanna go get coffee together?”

It continued from there, he supposed. Their relationship went too fast and too well, like a car racing down a sunlit slope, the bright sun rendering the driver unable to see that there was an end - and that the end was near.

Mark didn’t know how, or why, he got so brave. For the first few weeks of their relationship, they hid - tucked away in the darkest corners of obscure bookstores, or making out in public toilet stalls, or staying late after school just to spend time together in an empty classroom.

Then all of a sudden Mark was taking his boyfriend (BOYfriend) to church, kissing him sweetly on the lips in the entrance, before walking in to join the leaders meeting that was taking place.

It was the recklessness of youth - that’s what he told himself. That was the excuse, and he was fearless until the pastor took him aside two days later and asked him how he had been, lately.

“Good-” Mark said, before realising that he wasn’t meant to reply.

“I’ve noticed that you seem to have a new friend. A… may I say… very close new friend.”

Suddenly, tears threatened to come to Mark’s eyes. Why were there tears? Men don’t cry, not over a simple accusation like this.

“And I have a suggestion for you, dear Mark.” The pastor continued, an almost devilish look on his face. “How about you… cease to contact this friend? I mean this for your own good only, I’m sure you know that.

After all, it would be a shame if I told your father, wouldn’t it?”

Mark nodded stiffly, a million ideas about how to hide his relationship running through his mind.

“Yes, sir,” He said, and walked out.

  
  
  


“We have to be careful, and meet less, and talk less, and not be seen in public together-” Mark told Donghyuck, and he nodded, said he’d try, said he’d do it for Mark because he loved him.

“It’ll be better one day, won’t it?” 

Mark didn’t have an answer to that. To be honest, he didn’t think it would be. For now, he just kissed Donghyuck again, as if to say that this was all he could give him.

  
  
  


When Mark went to church the next week, the people shied away from him. His name on the roster of youth leaders was crossed out, and the word gay was written around it.

As he left, the pastor caught up to him, and whispered three words. 

“God sees all.”

  
  
  


The next day, Mark called Donghyuck. He told him that he couldn’t do it anymore, that they had to break up. He was sorry. He hated himself.

It hurt too much for him to cry. He hung up before he could change his mind.

  
  
  


Finding out that the hate had broken Mark only made Donghyuck prouder of who he was - he wore two pride pins in memory of the boy he had lost, and crowned himself the strongest, the loudest, of the rainbow community.

“Fight them,” Donghyuck told himself, when he thought of the church that had taken Mark from him. “Become their enemy and fight them.”

  
  
  
  


As the years passed, Mark started to forget. He forgot the way Donghyuck’s smile looked, and then the way he looked at all. He forgot the way his voice sounded - when he was singing, when he was talking (too much), when he was whispering ‘I love you’ after a kiss that felt like heaven and came from hell.

He forgot everything, except for the fact that their relationship was wrong. And in this way, the idea of Donghyuck became associated with the idea of a mistake.

  
  
  


Now, Mark leads worship at a different church. No one here knows about his past - to them he is a good man, a righteous man, with a beautiful voice and slightly sad eyes that look older than his 20 years. 

Then a new member joins this church. One that looks just a little familiar to Mark, one that brings memories of secrets he wants hidden and fear he wants to forget.

It turns out the pastor from the old church had been fired for gossiping.

Some old habits never die.

  
  
  
  


That night, Mark heads to a bar - one in the seediest part of town, with girls that will give you their everything if you buy them enough drinks, and people who don’t care about you, or themselves, or anything much anymore.

He’s there to forget, one last time, before everyone knows and he is no longer able to do so.

Four drinks in, and after countless girls he had no interest in had tried to feel him up, he sees her. Slightly taller than the other girls there, and dancing as if she owns the place. Mark doesn’t know why, but he’s captivated.

The dance floor is packed with people and as he pushes through them, he sees distorted flashes of images: a sequined dress, a pervert’s smile, a bright purple drink.

Then he reaches her.

“Come home with me, beautiful.”

She does.

  
  
  


Mark wakes up the next morning to a throbbing headache, and a blank space in his mind where last night should have been. The bed is still warm beside him, and listening closely, he can hear the shower running.

Right. The girl from that bar.

Looking around for something to wear so he could get up, he notices a small message written on the notepad he keeps next to his bed.

The handwriting is a little familiar, but Mark can’t remember how he knows it.

“I don’t know how to say this but… I knew you, before, and I didn’t realise until it was too late. You didn’t recognise me, of course you didn’t - I’m a trap now, a drag queen, whatever you want to call it.

I guess we went… very different directions since we parted. Goodbye, again, Mark.”

The feeling of familiarity becomes sharper. Mark buries his face into the pillow beside him in frustration, and the smell left on it reminds him of desperate embraces and a teenage love that ruined him.

It can’t be, he thinks, but still, he runs to the bathroom, mind racing, when he hears the shower stop.

He, HE, not she, comes out with a towel around his waist and a face, now devoid of makeup, that screams of memories he wishes he could forget.

“No, not you, anyone but you,” Mark whispers to himself, but there’s no mistaking it.

“I’m sorry,” says Donghyuck, and just like that, Mark shatters.

  
  



End file.
